my own Emmaus

Yesterday we went to the vigil Mass at St. Joseph Marello's in Granite Bay.
They are operating out of a gymnasium while they patiently await the building of a formal church.

Our friends, Toni and Rick Collins lead the singing with beautiful guitar music.

We got there early to be able to go to the Sacrament of Confession.

Without a regular confessional, Father Arnold walked with us, one by one, as we told our sins.
This was really wonderful to walk and confess. It reminded me of the Gospel story of the two disciples on the road to Emmaus after Jesus was crucified and died.

The penance, which I believe I can reveal, was just to be thankful for this Sacrament. And believe, I am!!!

Jesus, I trust in you.

time before the Lord

Last year I joined the Altar Society at my parish, St. Mel. The Altar Society cleans the church on a weekly basis. Most women in the Altar Society are in their late
seventies and eighties.
I had just turned 50 when I joined. A week ago my 10 year old daughter joined the Altar Society, too.
The Altar Society needs younger women to do the heavier work, like vaccuming and carrying the marble casings for the oil candles. My job is to wipe the altar and Tabernacle and vaccumn the carpet in the Altar area, a pretty special job since I get to be so close to the Tabernacle.
So yesterday our assigned day to clean, my dear daughter and I spent an hour doing the Martha work in the presence of Jesus.
Just the night before we spent an hour in Eucharistic Adoration in the Chapel.
I think both hours must be pretty close to the same. In one we are still and quiet but keeping Him, Who our heart loves, company.
In the other we are working for Him in His presence.
We are so blessed and I thank you Lord.

Hail Mary

I am a visual person and I finally have a way to pray the Hail Mary such that I am not just mouthing the words but praying them with my heart.

We all know the Hail Mary is taken right from Scripture.

So here is how I pray it:
Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee Imagine the archangel Gabriel kneeling before Mary, with his head bowed in deep respect, admiration and love

Blessed art thou amoung women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus Imagine
Mary and Elizabeth greeting one another with so much joy, holding hands together two pregnant women

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
Imagine Mary with hands extended (like in the statues) giving out grace to who ever you offered the prays for.

Last night I prayed my Rosary for my friend Debi and I imagined Mary giving grace to Debi within her home.

Thank you Jesus for this little tool to help me pray better.

Walk Your Talk

I went on the Walk for Life, West Coast, yesterday with my family. It was the sixth annual walk proclaiming 'Abortion Hurts Women'. We walked in San Francisco. This was our sixth year walking in solidarity with others. My friend Dolores is one of the founders of the walk which is growing, from the first year at 5000 people to 35,000
yesterday.
It is so wonderful to see all the young people proclaiming unborn life is special, even sacred. This will be their fight. After all, it is their best friends, and spouses who have been killed by abortion.
Lord Have Mercy on us all.

just two saysing needed

I do not know myself, though I try. I sure do fail. But God knows me and my heart.
I seem to struggle more than ever. Uncharitable thoughts just pop into my head, and even surprise me. I turn them over to Jesus with shame and sorrow.

I am His beloved worm. How appropriate since I rescue worms from the sidewalk.

Since I know myself so little, God gave me two responses to most situations:

in bad: "Thy Will Be Done" and/or "All for Thee O Sacred Heart of Jesus"

in good: "Praised be Jesus".

aridity again??

Woke up feeling spiritually blah.
Off to Morning Mass.
That is where I gave Jesus my aridity.
He is in charge.
If He wants me to struggle with dryness in my spirit: ok.
All for Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus, our Refuge and Strength.

Pelianito's latest blog about true freedom is quite remarkable.
I had never really thought about it before. But it makes perfect sense. I can witness the lack of it in my own life and around me.
Those who are perfectly free have no possessions. Their only attachment is Christ.
And then to be His hands, and feet, and heart, and words.
I don't want to be a slave to self. Jesus is teaching me a little at a time, what it means to have self control, to die to self, and to now be free to love and serve.
I guess having a family at home is the perfect opportunity.

clean of heart

I have written before about my desire for 3 virtues, to start with. I am much in need of humility, modesty, and being clean or pure of heart. I need all the virtues, but those are the 3 I am concentrating on, with the help of the Holy Spirit, right now.

I read Pelianito's blog and Mary and Jesus are giving urgent warnings to keep praying for the time is short. Especially after the devastating earthquake in Haiti, time is short and tribulation is coming.

So when I went to Mass, I again prayed for purity of heart. I could not put my finger directly on why I was focusing on that, until this morning.

I do not want my love for Jesus and zeal for Him to be motivated by an urgent warning.
I want my love for Him to be always on fire!!!

There is a stupid saying "Jesus is coming, look busy." He will not be duped. He knows all.

Jesus, I trust in you! Please send your Holy Spirit and make my heart pure and straight, and burn with love for You.

aridity and dryness

Going through a mini cycle of spiritual dryness again. Last one was 2 weeks ago.
It happens more often now.
I just feel spiritually blah.

I like it much more when my emotions are bubbling over with love for Jesus.

Now I pray because I know I need to and am supposed to.

Apparently it is so much the sweeter offering to God.

Without Jesus?

Spent an hour in the Chapel with the Blessed Sacrament tonight. While reading my Magnificat there was a meditation by Sister Elvira: she asked what would we do without Jesus?....would we have hope, or joy, or forgiveness?

I meditated on this and thought, what would there be to hope in? Nothing. We would live our lives, doing whatever we wanted with no accountability. The natural law, the moral law, would not be written on our hearts. Well....maybe it would.
But go straight to joy. Joy is directly from God. Atheists don't talk about Joy. Only Christians speak about Joy.
Anyone can be happy. Happy is a worldly feeling.
So if Jesus was not in our lives.....we could still be happy. But what would we be happy about? Sensual pleasures, food, success, accomplishments, purchases, power, money, fame.
Here is the clincher:
Without Jesus we can only be happy because of those things.
With Jesus we learn we can be happy, even joyful, without those things.

Finally, forgiveness.
Who taught us to forgive, but God Himself.
Without Jesus, the Son of God, the world would be a nasty place because there would be no forgiveness.

What the world needs now, more than ever, is Jesus, the Son of God! Maranatha, come Lord Jesus.

spiritual fitness

On this earthly journey, doing much spiritual reading, I am blessed to know my Guardian Angels name: Bruno.
Books by Sr. Emmanuel speak of our Guardian Angels as being very helpful. So each night as I hold a Rosary while I sleep, I petition my dear Bruno to pray the Rosary in my place. I make no intentions, knowing that God uses all prayers the way He wills.

My wish list of virtues

God is amazing.............How He works in my soul. Ever since reading Gloria Polo's testimony I am constantly being reminded by me dear Bruno, my Guardian Angel, of virtue.
There are 3 virtues I really need.
I am vain. I want to be physically slim and fit and pleasant to look at. But I know that that kind of beauty is fading. What is the opposite of vain? Modesty? Humility?
Selflessness? Yes I want those, too.
Especially the humility.
Brian and I read the Litany of Humility and it is so beautiful.
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

The last virtue I desperately need is being Clean of Heart, or Pure of Heart. I am so aware of my doublemindedness and I so dislike it.

Jesus, I desire to be truly modest, truly humble, and truly Pure of Heart.

What have we done???

Since 1973 and the passage of Roe V. Wage, legalizing abortion on demand in the United States, and legalized abortion throughout the world, there have been about 50 million abortions each year. That comes to a very conservative 1.5 billion babies murdered.
This is roughly 5000 times the number of people who died in the Holocaust during World War 2.
Oh how God must grieve.
Last night as I read Gloria Polo's testimony, she said that every time there is an abortion, a demon is let loose from Hell. That means there are a very conservative 1.5 billion extra demons lurking around the earth, causing us to sin and forget God.
Sin in rampant. Especially in our youth.
O Lord, what have we done?

Jesus, your mercy is greater than our sin. Have mercy on us Lord!

enlightenment

I just finished reading the testimony of a woman who was hit by lightening.
You can read it here at www.gloriapolo.in

She died and faced God and was judged harshly and condemned to hell. But for the prayer of 1 man who she did not know, God sent her back to tell her story as a warning for mankind. Now I know and must amend my life of all attachment to sin or I will face a stern and severe judgment as well.

Put this with 3 other very recent events, two of them also happening today and I think I am experiencing a wake up call.

The first situation occurred a couple of days ago as I read in the Our Sunday Visitor paper how much envy can be displayed in ones life. Got it.

The first situation today was a reading from Direction for our Times Volume 2, when Jesus says He suffers when people are unkind to us. I got to thinking: what about when I am the one causing the unkindness; that is hurting Jesus directly. Ouch!

The second situation today was reading about St. Gemma Galgani who enjoyed visits from her guardian angel. He would frown at her, and say "shame on you" when she did something wrong.

That is 4 times with in a short period that God is waking me up to my sin.
Thank you Jesus.
Jesus, I trust in you.

Dependence of Jesus

Yesterday, Friday, was a wonderful day. My husband and I fast on bread and water, and I was given the courage to be strong while at Peet's Coffee & Tea with a girlfriend to not break the fast and have a much-longed-for hot tea. I also vaccumed the altar of our dear Lord, as part of the Altar Society of which I joined last year. I get to be so close to Jesus, it is wonderful.
Later that day, my husband and I worked in the yard, our favorite place to be. We prepared the following days meal together and danced in the kitchen. It was a delightful day.
We prayed the Angelus at noon, the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3pm.
By now you should have the picture of a gracefilled day.
At 7pm I was called by my son down in Camp Pendleton. He asked me to call his girlfriend who was weeping. I did and offered to go visit her. She is 4 months pregnant with someone else's baby. So as I drove there, I prayed a Rosary asking for wisdom and strength to give God's grace to this girl.
She is not yet 17 but very pro-life. She will keep the baby. So I gave thanks to God and finished my Rosary on the way home.
Got home, cleaned the kitchen and swept the hard wood floors.
And then I fell apart.
Out of the blue, like an unanticipated strike, I fell.
I was overly tired and spent emotionally. I was not prepared. And the evil one took advantage of my weakness and attacked me.
It was all very simple and did not need to blow up bigger, but in my fatigue and kept it up. My husband said some stupid things and all of a sudden I did not want to be near him.
I slept at the edge of the bed and did not sleep well at all.
Come morning as I had to get ready to go to work, I did not want to talk to him or even see him.
Driving to work I asked the Lord, "What happened last night?" Our Saviour replied to the effect that I stopped depending on Him. This was amazing to me, because I did not even realize it. But sweetly He let me know that I need to depend on Him ALL THE TIME.
Phew!
We are still recovering from the bitterness of the wounds we inflicted on one another with our words.

Why Their Hearts were Hardened

Wednesday's Gospel reading on Mark 6:45-52 recounts Jesus feeding the 5000 and then retreating to the mountain to pray. The Apostles went by boat across the Sea of Galilee and were greatly tossed by a storm....."He meant to pass by them" I am curious as to why Jesus wanted to pass by the frightened Apostles being battered by wind and waves. But onto the real point of discussion.

Jesus comforts them and says "Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!"
Jesus climbed into the boat and the wind died down. The Apostles were astounded. They had not understood the incident of the loaves. On the Contrary their hearts were hardened.
Why were their hearts hardened???????

I tossed this around in my own heart and head and discussed it with my husband. Why were their hearts hardened?

Was is the miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fishes?
Was it Jesus walking on the water?
Was it the calming of the storm?

I finally asked a 90 year old man who is a protestant minister. With confidence he replied that the human mind cannot comprehend the supernatural, so our instinctual, dare I say: natural response is to minimalize, trivialize, or disbelief the event.
This makes so much sense.
And I am relieved that it happened to the Apostles, because when it happens to me,
I won't be shocked.

I have just come out a short dry spell, aridity, lack of fervor for my Jesus. I hate it when it happens. But it does.
But the Christian soul keeps doing what it always does and returns to and keeps up the prayers it has been formed by.

Jesus exchanged my heart of stone, for a heart of flesh. And it feels so good to be alive again.