Saturday, January 9, 2010

Dependence of Jesus

Yesterday, Friday, was a wonderful day. My husband and I fast on bread and water, and I was given the courage to be strong while at Peet's Coffee & Tea with a girlfriend to not break the fast and have a much-longed-for hot tea. I also vaccumed the altar of our dear Lord, as part of the Altar Society of which I joined last year. I get to be so close to Jesus, it is wonderful.
Later that day, my husband and I worked in the yard, our favorite place to be. We prepared the following days meal together and danced in the kitchen. It was a delightful day.
We prayed the Angelus at noon, the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3pm.
By now you should have the picture of a gracefilled day.
At 7pm I was called by my son down in Camp Pendleton. He asked me to call his girlfriend who was weeping. I did and offered to go visit her. She is 4 months pregnant with someone else's baby. So as I drove there, I prayed a Rosary asking for wisdom and strength to give God's grace to this girl.
She is not yet 17 but very pro-life. She will keep the baby. So I gave thanks to God and finished my Rosary on the way home.
Got home, cleaned the kitchen and swept the hard wood floors.
And then I fell apart.
Out of the blue, like an unanticipated strike, I fell.
I was overly tired and spent emotionally. I was not prepared. And the evil one took advantage of my weakness and attacked me.
It was all very simple and did not need to blow up bigger, but in my fatigue and kept it up. My husband said some stupid things and all of a sudden I did not want to be near him.
I slept at the edge of the bed and did not sleep well at all.
Come morning as I had to get ready to go to work, I did not want to talk to him or even see him.
Driving to work I asked the Lord, "What happened last night?" Our Saviour replied to the effect that I stopped depending on Him. This was amazing to me, because I did not even realize it. But sweetly He let me know that I need to depend on Him ALL THE TIME.
We are still recovering from the bitterness of the wounds we inflicted on one another with our words.

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